I remember the first time I cried in front of an employee as their manager. I was running a team of roughly 12 people and one of the key members of that team came into my office (read: walled cubicle) to tell me she had accepted a new position.
Now, I shouldn’t have been surprised. Our group was in the midst of merging with another business in a different city. Keeping our positions meant moving. Not everyone was down for that. And as much as I hoped differently, part of me knew this person would not make the move.
And yet… when she walked and and sat down that morning, I was so surprised that the tears just came out. There was no warning and nothing I could do to stop them. We were about to lose a A Player and someone whom I liked and respected. And I was incredibly sad.
Needless to say, I was mortified that cried in front of her, and I managed to quickly regroup so we could have productive conversation. Thinking about it now, many years later, I’m not sure I should have been embarrassed. They were honest tears. They were who I was (and am).
All of which got me thinking about how we choose to show up in our businesses and where we might (unnecessarily) hold back from being who we truly are.
Professional, yes, but yourself too.
Yes, of course, you want to be professional. You want to be polished and present in a way that aligns with your target client. You want to show up as the boss you are with your team, and in a way that elicits confidence with potential collaborators. You want to be attractive to podcast hosts if guesting is a key marketing vehicle for your business.
And yet… you also need to show up as you with at least a sprinkling of your eccentricities, quirks, felt emotion, and passion.
In writing:
When it comes to writing, your AI tool of choice (ChatGPT, Claude, Gemini, etc.) can help. You can write the email, blog post, LinkedIn newsletter in your voice (the you that can’t be faked). Then have AI do the editing for clarity and to ensure what you’ve written is grammatically correct and there are no typos (professional). Or you can start with a draft from AI (with intentional prompts) and then do the editing and get it to sound like you.
The main point here is that is that it needs to sound like you. The polished and professional you.
In person (on Zoom and IRL):
This will always be based on the context and the audience. Whether it’s a client call, a team meeting, a networking event, or a podcast interview… you need to be buttoned-up AND you need to be you.
If you have a big laugh, let it rip if someone says something that’s funny. If you talk with your hands (guilty), use them. If you’re a hugger, hug (of course with permission or warning when meeting new people). Be you.
Being you is your magic.
A few months ago, I published an interview with Letter A Creative Director and Founder Allison Henry Aver. Allison is a branding rock start (just check out her latest work). During our conversation, I asked her about the challenges she faces as a female agency owner.
And although it shouldn’t have, her answer surprised me:
“I feel pressure to write smart, thoughtful and witty answers to interview questions while at my son’s piano lessons. Lol. There’s pressure to feel like I’m always on.
I also feel pressure to tone down my “soft” skills — my sense of humor, my candor, my optimism, use of exclamation marks for fear of not being perceived as “cool” or “like a leader”.
And I sometimes think, well, if I was more serious or didn’t laugh as much or didn’t smile or was more of a hard worker, I would be better, bigger. People would trust me.
And I ask myself, how do I become more influential? How do I work harder to grow as a leader and try to figure out what that is? What is that nice balance that doesn’t lose who I am, and also helps me grow and mature? Sometimes, I think oh, maybe these qualities aren’t helping me, but maybe they are.”
Her question is more than relevant. For some many of us “raised in corporate” there was a specific way we were expected to act and show up. Most often, that way was defined by the men who were in charge.
Operating in that way for as long as we did, it became like the air we breathe, not realizing it was there. And when we made the leap to being a business owner, we unknowingly took the air with us. Until one day, we see it for what it is… someone else’s idea of how business should be done. It’s at this point that we can choose something different.
Allison and I continued discussing this topic “off the record.” My opinion then (and now) is that’s where the magic is. Is it a vulnerable place to operate from? Most certainly. But it’s real and it gives people the opportunity to interact with the real you.
On dropping the f-bomb.
Do you, on occasion, drop a well-timed f-bomb while on a client call? Or any other expletive?
I do. And I generally feel bad that I’ve done so.
Then over the weekend, I saw this…
In the caption, Adam Grant added the following:
“In an analysis of over 73,000 online interactions, people who swore more displayed more signs of honesty. In follow-up studies, people who cursed were less likely to lie—and cultures with higher profanity had higher integrity. Hell yeah!
Source: ‘Frankly, we do give a damn: The relationship between profanity and honesty’ (Feldman et al)”
OMG, hell yes! I read this and felt seen. Because when I use the occasional piece of profanity, it’s because I’m fired up. It’s because I care deeply about whatever it is we’re discussing. It’s because I give a damn.
This post has given me permission to lose the guilt about this. Maybe it will do the same for you.
Something to think about.
If this has sparked something in you…
Spend some time thinking about the people you work with or follow on LinkedIn or Instagram or whose Substack newsletters and notes you read. Who are the ones you can’t wait to meet with or that keep you coming back for more?
Once you have that list, write down two or three reasons why. What qualities do they exhibit that you feel drawn to? Get real when you do this. And then ask yourself how specific these qualities are to that person.
Using this group as inspiration, think about your own glorious quirks and interests. Are you bringing those into your business relationships? Into how you show up in your marketing? If not, what’s one small move you could make this week to change that?
#foodforthought
Until next time,
Katherine
P.S. ChatGPT was not used in the writing or editing of this post… this is me.
#ICYMI
